Who knew that speaking and relating to others still has a lot to do about ourselves! If we really want to be present and show our love and concern for the people around us, we have to learn to identify a few things about us.
How is my driving?
Honestly, I’m thinking back to how kids process their emotions. They can be very direct (which can be a problem sometimes) but that’s their way of learning to understand themselves and share it. As adults we still have that same responsibility to be direct and honest with our own feelings and mental state.
Imagine you’re on a freeway – some of the worst drivers to be around are reckless ones. They swerve through lanes, never use a blinker, disregard the safety of others, speed to where they want to go without thinking of others, and they usually blame everything on everyone else. On the other hand, some of the best drivers to be around are conscious ones. They consider others’ safety while maneuvering, they use common courtesy, they have their own destination in mind but still recognize the needs of other drivers, and they also take responsibility of their own driving mistakes. Now imagine that every conversation is a freeway – are you a reckless driver or a conscious one? Do you force others to move when you move or do you drive with respect?
Check yourself
If you want to hear someone’s heart, be prepared to hear their heart. Seems simple enough yet a lot of times we ask for honesty with unannounced restrictions. We might say we want their honest opinion then we challenge them on everything they’ve said. In order to be an open or sacred listener, we need to receive without being prepared to throw something back in return. Check yourself before you get in conversations, ask yourself a few questions:
- What am I feeling right now?
- Am I ready to engage in this conversation?
- Do I want to hear their honest opinion without debating it?
- Can I hear something negative without becoming defensive?
- Am I in denial about my current feelings?
IDENTIFYING yourself and your emotional state can help you establish healthy relationships and maintain them with open and healthy conversations.
